Its been so long since I've felt a desire to write. However tonight, I am overwhelmed with emotions and don't seem to know what to do with them all. Emotions of love, of gratitude, of convictions. Its been an Easter quite different than any I would have imagined or that I imagine having in the future. But dispite the myriad of activities that did not seem fitting of what an Easter should be, the opportunity to celebrate the sacrifice and resurrection of Jesus Christ still found way to reveal itself.
I'm listening to the hymn Amazing Grace one of the most touching hymns regarding the miracle of a blind man finding Jesus Christ and being blessed by the effects of the Atonement. My heart grows tender just listening and remembering my dear sweet Savior.
For some unknown reason today my mind recollected some experiences from my mission. President Arnold, our area authority was speaking at a Zone Conference and was encouraging us to improve the number of street contacts we made each day. How as representatives of Jesus Christ we should feel an urgency to share the message with everyone around us, no matter what. The amount of street contacts being made in the mission by the missionaries at that time was very low. The reason for the low stats was most likely the fear of rejection. President Arnold continued to bear his testimony about being a representative of Christ and the responsibility to carry His message to every ear that could hear the message. Inevitably we would be rejected by some who did not want to hear. Inevitably some would mock, lie, be cruel to, or ridicule us as we tried to proclaim the message of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. The small amount of rejection that we were asked to face compared to the ridicule and rejection that Christ faced and the price He paid in our behalves are far from being similiar. The message that President Arnold wanted to instill in us was that we should be proud to be rejected for Jesus Christ. Whatever the cost to spread the message of Jesus Christ and be representatives of Him, we should be honored to pay.
I don't have the words to explain what that means adequately except that I know when I faced rejection after that, it did not hurt. I was being rejected for the cause of Jesus Christ. In the like matter that a soldier fights for his country and is willing to lay down even his life. It seems frivolous to think that someone might shrink from the opportunity to represent Jesus Christ if it meant only that that person would face a small amount of rejection. But sometimes in the rush of life, our forgetfulness, and our ego-centric habits, we shrink from the call to stand as witnesses of Christ at all times, in all things, and in all places.
Today served as a reminder to me to stand as a witness of Christ at all times, in all things and in all places. It is the very least that I can do to show my gratitude for what has been given to me by my Savior. I would be proud to be rejected for my Savior. Again, words do not suffice, nor do I want to extract those sacred feelings that live within my soul that reflect the love and gratitude that I have for my Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ.
12 April 2009
06 April 2009
Meu Salvador
Now there is something to be said about the Savior. I wish that this blog posting could be written in music and song rather than just words because songs capture so much more fully the depth of feeling and communicates not only what the composer thinks and feels but is a reflection to the listener of the sacred things that lie in their own heart. A song can be communion between composer and listener without the two ever having to meet.
But as I am mortal and already used to the strings that bind and limitations that prohibit me from living all the desires of my heart, I will settle with just words.
First, as a disclaimer. Words can be eloquent, persuasive, meaningful, and even have the power to penetrate the softest tissues of our hearts, but in the end, words are only words. A combination of symbols in print that reflect an idea, thought, etc. Although I write today in words, they are only symbols on a paper, nothing of extraordinary worth.
What is of worth is how I live. How I support my words with my actions. What I am found doing and thinking in the solitude when I am alone. How I extend myself to others when I am not in peaceful solitude. How I love. How I live my testimony and gratitude rather than just write and dream about it.
So, my true testimony and my true identity lie in my works.
My Savior Jesus Christ. Based from what I do know of Him, I believe that I love him. Although as imperfect demonstration of my life that I offer, I believe still, that I love him.
The comprehensive meaning of the sacrifice that He performed is beyond me and I expect that it will be through the duration of my mortal life.
His love is almost impossibly sweet and pure. The kindness that is reflected in His eyes in even a painting connects me with this Heavenly Being. Heavenly and Earthly. He knows no heavenly limitations yet is familiar with every earthly limitation. He has mastered the skills necessary to live a perfect life. Mastered them perfectly the first time and every time.
He knew the balance between keeping himself clean from the impurities of the world, yet not shunning away from the people who were buried deep in those impurities. I strive to understand how I too can learn that balance. And when I err, He is there to reassure me that my errors and the cost for them has already been paid. I don't understand His grace and how it is extended to me infinitely.
He is wise enough and kind enough to allow me to experience great pain in the moment because it is a lesser amount of pain than what I would experience in the future than if He were to spare me from that present pain, or enduring that seemingly so tragic disappointment that I face today.
Although my works are a reflection of who I am, He is compassionate enough not to judge me until the end of my days. Not what I am currently. He can see me for what I was yesterday, who I am today, and who I will be many tomorrows from now.
He is patient enough to walk beside and not scold me when I fall into the same old habits and forget the new lessons that I have already been taught countless times. He allows me to repent endlessly. He allows me to repent even when I take for granted His Atonement which is precious above all. He allows me to repent when I am blind and am an ungrateful servant and would seek to keep others from receiving those same blessings that I have already received and proudly assume that I will continue to receive.
He sacrificed everything. For every mistake that I have made, every sin of omission and commission that I have been too carnal, too lazy, too proud, too apathetic, and too ignorant that were all manifestations of my unwillingness to sacrifice myself the same way that He was.
He blesses me with the goodness of those around me -strangers, acquaintances, associates, friends, ward family and my own family members. Their warmness, uplifting words, counsels, concern, laughter, and time spent with me sharing their talents are all tender mercies of the Lord.
To be continued. I will write my conclusion another night. I'm drained of energy.
But as I am mortal and already used to the strings that bind and limitations that prohibit me from living all the desires of my heart, I will settle with just words.
First, as a disclaimer. Words can be eloquent, persuasive, meaningful, and even have the power to penetrate the softest tissues of our hearts, but in the end, words are only words. A combination of symbols in print that reflect an idea, thought, etc. Although I write today in words, they are only symbols on a paper, nothing of extraordinary worth.
What is of worth is how I live. How I support my words with my actions. What I am found doing and thinking in the solitude when I am alone. How I extend myself to others when I am not in peaceful solitude. How I love. How I live my testimony and gratitude rather than just write and dream about it.
So, my true testimony and my true identity lie in my works.
My Savior Jesus Christ. Based from what I do know of Him, I believe that I love him. Although as imperfect demonstration of my life that I offer, I believe still, that I love him.
The comprehensive meaning of the sacrifice that He performed is beyond me and I expect that it will be through the duration of my mortal life.
His love is almost impossibly sweet and pure. The kindness that is reflected in His eyes in even a painting connects me with this Heavenly Being. Heavenly and Earthly. He knows no heavenly limitations yet is familiar with every earthly limitation. He has mastered the skills necessary to live a perfect life. Mastered them perfectly the first time and every time.
He knew the balance between keeping himself clean from the impurities of the world, yet not shunning away from the people who were buried deep in those impurities. I strive to understand how I too can learn that balance. And when I err, He is there to reassure me that my errors and the cost for them has already been paid. I don't understand His grace and how it is extended to me infinitely.
He is wise enough and kind enough to allow me to experience great pain in the moment because it is a lesser amount of pain than what I would experience in the future than if He were to spare me from that present pain, or enduring that seemingly so tragic disappointment that I face today.
Although my works are a reflection of who I am, He is compassionate enough not to judge me until the end of my days. Not what I am currently. He can see me for what I was yesterday, who I am today, and who I will be many tomorrows from now.
He is patient enough to walk beside and not scold me when I fall into the same old habits and forget the new lessons that I have already been taught countless times. He allows me to repent endlessly. He allows me to repent even when I take for granted His Atonement which is precious above all. He allows me to repent when I am blind and am an ungrateful servant and would seek to keep others from receiving those same blessings that I have already received and proudly assume that I will continue to receive.
He sacrificed everything. For every mistake that I have made, every sin of omission and commission that I have been too carnal, too lazy, too proud, too apathetic, and too ignorant that were all manifestations of my unwillingness to sacrifice myself the same way that He was.
He blesses me with the goodness of those around me -strangers, acquaintances, associates, friends, ward family and my own family members. Their warmness, uplifting words, counsels, concern, laughter, and time spent with me sharing their talents are all tender mercies of the Lord.
To be continued. I will write my conclusion another night. I'm drained of energy.
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