Titleless

"Are you an onion?" "Yes," he replied.  Of course before I ever asked the figurative question, I already knew the answer.  I was happy to hear the answer I expected nonetheless.  I enjoy the layers and I enjoy not knowing everything there is to know.  My most dear friend is an onion. 

In reality every human being is a complex configuration of their experiences, environment, personality, character, fears, ambitions, desires, motives, emotions, thoughts, feelings, passions, etc.  And then to think of every human being, each with his own DNA, which means their bodies are individually distinct and different as well as their minds being wired differently.  Yes, we are all pretty much the same.  I have a nose, and most likely you have a nose too.  Eyes, ears, mouth, and nose.  Yada yada yada.  Despite our similarities, there are endless ways that we are different and complex.  

Some of us dive deeper into exploring the depths of our own souls more than others.  Which means some of us understand some of our own complexities with greater clarity than others understand their own.  

I believe it takes a lifetime and more to discover who oneself is.  

At age 14, I remember walking out of the bathroom one day and catching glimpse of myself in the mirror.  For some reason or other, I saw myself in a different perspective which caused me to pause and return back to the mirror.  I stood in front of the mirror with my face right up close and stared at myself.  I wanted to stare into my reflection for as long was necessary until I saw who I truly was.  I hoped that what I knew myself inwardly as would match what I saw outwardly.  I distinctly remember singing that Mulan song that goes "Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?  Why is my reflection someone I don't know? ... When will my reflection show whom I am inside?  Dorky, I know.  But it wouldn't surprise you to know that I cried that day looking at my reflection and feeling lost and like a stranger.  I felt like an orange amongst apples.  Someone that just didn't fit.  And as a young adult, we want to fit so badly into what is "normal" and "typical" and "cool."  But as I stared at myself in the mirror, I didn't see anything new or discover the girl inside of me.  It was the same image that I had always known and the workings of my inner self were, still the same, elusive to me.

At the time, I had no idea how I could get from point A to point B - from not knowing who I was to discovering, knowing, and understanding myself.  Approximately ten years later, I can look in the mirror and understand a great deal more about myself.  Still, it is only a fraction.  But instead of crying, a grimace creeps across my face because I am proud of my talents and my uniqueness, so much that it makes me smile.  For the most part, I embrace the orange that I am and do not try to blend in as an apple.   

But, I think of myself and the complexities that I am familiar with and that are distinct to me (relatively distinct at least).  Its overwhelming to try to comprehend the entire workings of my heart, mind, and soul all in one moment!  And then multiply that by a billion and even more! We are a whole race of people walking around this earth too complex to comprehensively imagine our diversity and the make-up of each individual!!!  There is no one equation that is followed to equal the product of the human being.  Mind boggling I tell you! lol  Seriously.

Somehow we manage to get along.  Not despite, but I think especially because of our differences, we manage to get along.  We find pleasure in the other's company.  But the greatest miracle of all I think is to love them.

I do not understand one's capability to love, not in any of it's forms.  But I find myself capable of it anyhow.  The greatest gift I have been given is that ability to love.  I wish to use it rightly and wisely.  Perhaps in part for this reason, I write this entry.

There are certain rights that EVERY human being is entitled to.  One of the which is the right to be who you choose to be.  To be an individual.  Say it however you will.  We, as a gift from God, have been given agency.  The very principle that the War in Heaven was fought over - agency. It's a HUGE deal.

And as an ugly part of human nature, we have the tendency to want to project our opinions and the choices we would personally make onto others.  ie:  At a restaurant, one friend questions and asks the other, "Ewww.  Why did you order the clam chowder?  You should have ordered something like... instead."  Also: back-seat drivers.  Start thinking of all the times you project what you would choose, think, or do onto others.  Most likely, its frequent.  We want others to choose how we would choose.  We want others to behave as we would behave.  To think as we think.  Are they not entitled to just as much exercise of freedom of choice as we are?

Perhaps there is no more satisfying love than to love unconditionally embracing the differences.  Unless those differences are acknowledged, recognized and respected, the love offered seems shallow at best.   

So whatever you are, whoever you are, you deserve to be permitted to be you.  And permitted the opportunity and privilege to discover who you are and choose what you want to be.  You will love people for their differences and as you do, you will inevitably be loved in return.

To the knappy, buck-toothed, freckle-faced, grossly skinny, red-headed little girl looking at her self in the mirror singing with an imperfect voice... hold on.  You are just right as you are.  In the eyes of those that love you, you are beautiful - inside and out.  Nothing will make you more beautiful than the belief that you are beautiful and as you act accordingly you will allow and lead others to see their individual beauty.  

Do you love me because I am beautiful or am I beautiful because you love me?  As God's creations, we are indisputably beautiful and unique.  Of all the billions and billions of people to live, each is their own and our greatest gift and challenge is to love them.