Flannel Plaid

And so I said, that I speak of love. And oh yes. Beautiful love that radiates from our hearts and from every fiber of our beings! What tremendous effect it has on us!

How does that effect change with each type of love, whether it be Eros, Philos, or Agape? The effects may be similar and some the same, but each type must have it's own unique effect over us. (I will explore that at a later date.)

I think about some of the types of love that I have experienced this last week alone. Some of the which, I wrote about in the previous post below. Another, which stands out is this...

I was out to dinner with a cherished friend. It was a low-key restaurant, super laid back atmosphere with a variety of patrons. It was my friend who first caught sight of this particular old man. The old man's hair was still thick and slightly curly. It was bright white. He wore a classic red/green flannel plaid shirt with a light jacket over and gray trousers. He was alone. My friend and I started to speak of this man that we immediately developed a liking for. His life must have a great story behind it if we had but asked. The more we paid attention to him, it was hard not to assume that this man was alone, alone without his life's companion. His trousers had a noticeable hole in one of the seams on the backside. It made me more aware that there was not a woman to pay attention to small details like these. My friend and I conversed a while more but it was not long until my eyes were welling up with tears and my friend noticed the familiar look in my eyes that meant I was on the edge of losing it. I obviously do not know this man, nor his circumstance. I only assumed what his life might be like. But for the few moments that I tried to comprehend what his situation in life might be like, I felt compassion for him and my heart ached for the pains that he must carry in his heart. I was overwhelmed with the loneliness that he feels. My friend and I started to laugh at my ease in crying in a restaurant over a stranger whose situation in life I really did not know. But, a few minutes later I was once again holding back tears as my thoughts of this man's loneliness persisted.

Our tender thoughts for this man caused us to think about the pains that Heavenly Father must bear when he sees his children going through painful circumstances. And he knows and comprehends perfectly the circumstance of each of his children. It is unimaginable to me the strength that Heavenly Father must possess. I was a weakling imagining the plight of just one of his children only.

Originally, I was intending on writing about the euphoria that we so often feel as we experience the difference types of love. Yes, love is accompanied by an interesting feeling that often washes over us and makes us feel that all is right in the world. But, sometimes with love, there is an accompaniment of not so sweet feelings -as we make an effort to bear one another's burdens, to lift them, to encourage them, to hold them when they need held, our hearts break with love instead of soaring.

And even in the sweet moments, like when I hold baby Jackson, the intensity of my thoughts and feelings are so strong, I am overwhelmed and for a moment I am paralyzed, trembling with and trying to control raw emotion. It is not something I necessarily look forward to. I am not well enough conditioned to bear such rich emotion except only in small amounts and for brief moments.

I am reminded of my first weeks when I first became a nanny. The parents were in Mexico on vacation and the new weight of caring for 3 special-needs children rested upon me heavily. So much so I found myself uncontrollably sobbing at the end of the first few nights when I finally found myself in the quiet. Except it wasn't quiet, my sobs echoed though the otherwise quiet and still house. The shear weight of the burden overwhelmed all of my senses. At the end of each busy day, finally after I managed to put all three children to bed (and managed to keep them there!) I was alone. I remember cleaning up the dishes and the rest of the kitchen, putting away the random assortment of naturopathic remedies that were stored throughout the house, picking up winter clothes off the floor and hanging them in the coat closet, letting the water out of the tub and mopping up the water that was all over the bathroom floor after bath time. I loved those little children. Despite their exaggerated conditions that sometimes made it more difficult to love them, I loved them and I felt the excruciating weight of being their caretaker and temporary sole provider of all their physical, emotional, spiritual, and social needs. It was more than I had anticipated. I didn't know how I was going to survive the 14 days by myself when each day by itself was a battle of its own. But... I did! And I learned to do it well even. For 3 years, I did. And I developed the strength I needed to bear those burdens as I worked in that special home. It is interesting to note the different effects that love has upon us. One of my greatest accomplishments is what was done while I worked inside that home and loved that family as I did, but the feelings I experienced were far from euphoria.

So love? It transcends all. It supersedes every law of the universe. It invigorates. It lifts one up. It brings us to our knees. It makes us deliriously happy. It does a myriad of things. Its intense. Its gentle. The more I ponder it, the less simple it becomes. As for now, I understand that love is a teacher of all things. I am still learning...